when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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