I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
