I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
