I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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