Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
