I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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