Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
