Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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