I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
