Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
