her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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