the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You work out of a Hotel?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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