you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
