I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.