and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
