..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
