so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.