i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..