i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
