You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset