How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.