The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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