I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
