I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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