google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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