My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
