i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
