Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
