We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I cut my penus on the lid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
