and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
