So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
