Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
