You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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