I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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