I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize