Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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