I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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