I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
