She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
