i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
