I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
