i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
