mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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