I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We had to coat check the pizza.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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