2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
