i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
