Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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