He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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