the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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