I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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