the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
