The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you will always have a special place in my vag
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
