I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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