Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
God, I missed his penis.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize