i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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