it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
