I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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