he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She made me pour olive oil on her.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
