the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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