it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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