I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
