Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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