Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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