Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
