Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
