I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Panties = found
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
