What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
