you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize