Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
