U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have fence marks all over my body
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
