I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well you can't waste a boner
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
