When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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