the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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