No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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