i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
