Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
