Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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