What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
