I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
