I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
