i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
