So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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