i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
