break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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