So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
