well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
