I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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