he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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